I've got a new LJ. If somehow I missed you when I added people to it, add unencyclopedia please.

Thanks <3

I'm going to kill Barbara (my grandmother, who I refuse to call 'Grandmommy' *gags* when I don't need to).

Seriously, if I poison her, there should be no reason for me to go to jail. It'd be a favor to the whole goddamned world. Can I please kill her?

... Please?

*eyes lessons that are up*

Be a good new prefect and start doing lessons, or slack off like I always do?

...

No, I don't think many of you know wtf I'm talking about, but I DON'TCARE :P

*stabs VH lessons with a fork*

I've been in such an odd mood lately. Since last night, at least. Usually my odd moods are accompanied by emoness and wanting to cut, but for once, it's just a really weird mood.

I feel like I'm suffocating. I want to be OUT of here. It's driving me insane. I'm so BORED. I want to get out and see things... Learn things... Know things... And I'm stuck in eighth grade, with no power to get out and see what I want to. I want to see France, Greece, China, Japan, Ireland, Scotland, Finland... Everywhere. I want to see every inch of the earth. I want to see everything there is to see.

I feel like I'm wasting my time here, being forced to sit here. I want to do something to break the monotony of my life, and it's not in my immediate power, and it's suffocating me.

I want to learn things. Not things like 'solve the inequality' or some shit like that. I want to be wise, and smart outside of book smarts. I'm trying to live life to the fullest, because you never know when you're going to die, and I keep forgetting. Don't hold anything in; if you're happy, show it; if you love someone, tell them. I know I'm supposed to do it, but I just don't have the ability to do it. I want to do it, but I... Can't. I'm scared to look like an idiot, even while I preach not to care what people think.

There's someone I think I like, and I'm not telling them that I even THINK I like them because I'm scared that they don't like me back, and I'm not even entirely sure I like them. I'm not sure of my own feelings, and that scares me. I'm too scared to even tell them, because I'm scared of losing them as a friend, and I'm scared of what they'll think.

I'm falling apart at the sheer lack of power that I have to control my own life. I can plan everything out, but I don't know if it's really going to happen. I don't have power to make people happy, or to tell them what to do, or to control a future. I'm falling apart at the fact that I know very little, despite the fact that I actually WANT to know it. There are people who never consider trying to know anything outside of their own little bubble, and I'm individual for that.

But the fact that I DON'T know what I want to is what's driving me crazy, whether or not I'm indidual for caring.

I can't even adequately explain what all is going through my head right now. Another thing to add to my list of 'What's Driving Me Insane'. I just... I'm finally wanting to take a serious step to improve my life and myself, and I can't do it.

April 18th, 2007 will be the eleventh annual National Day of Silence. The Day of Silence was originally started in 1996 at the University of Virginia. Since then, Australia has organized their own Day of Silence, and it has spread to tens of thousands of students and schools in the United States.

The Day of Silence is a day dedicated to not saying a word all day, in honor of gays, bisexuals, and transgenders being beaten down, bullied, and forced to keep quiet simply because of their sexuality.

April 18th, 2007
How will you end the silence?

Okay, yeah. Now that the formalities are over... There's a banner up there. Click it, find out about this. Please and thank you :P I'm going to try and organize this at my school, so it'd be nice to get some support in other schools, too.</font>

Kay. So. Quick update.

I fainted yesterday morning, waiting for the bus to come pick me up for school. I spent half the day at the hospital, and came out knowing nothing more about why I collapsed. I now can't stretch out my right arm without grimacing in pain because of a huge scab on my elbow where I hit the road. More than likely, if I did stretch it out all the way, the scab would break and blood would come gushing out. I need to hold it on my chest when I'm walking, like an invisible sling. It'd probably be more comfortable if I had a sling, but if you think I'm about to ask for one... Right.

I also have a really beautiful (pffft) scar on the right side of my forehead and into my eyebrow, that looks like someone bashed my head into a doorknob. I can't really move my right eyebrow without that side of my head hurting, or otherwise. People are going to be staring at me all day when I go back to school tomorrow, yippee.

I have a neurologist appointment on March 26th. I'm not allowed to do any sports until then. It might be longer if there's something seriously wrong. So I'll miss at least three horseback riding lessons, a show (DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT this didn't help my mood of the past few days when I found out; this would have been my first show in the year and a half I've been riding, and I was really excited), and three gym classes.

Gym I'm not extremely upset about; but it helps me to avoid thinking, which I've been trying to do for awhile. It tends to help stave off things that... Well, I don't want to think about. Not doing gym means I'll have nothing to do and all I'll be doing is thinking, which isn't good. At all.

I get headaches every now and then, which is to be expected, I guess. I had a headache at school all day on Tuesday, and I expect it'll be the same tomorrow, if not worse, what with the fact that loud, cramped places (classrooms, in this case) give me headaches anyway, and my head isn't in great condition now.

So, yeah. That's about all I can think that's happened in the past few days. Exciting, eh?

Lookit. I have a writing journal. A journal in which I post my writing.

Uh. Yeah. I'm in sort of a weird mood XD The writing journal is emo_cookies1993. Enjoy reading my writing XD